The Dysfunctional Facts of Life

What if the secrets to understanding life's complexities lie in the ways our families navigated the awkward and mysterious topics of sex and birth? Kerry and Chrisy bring humor and candor as they contrast their wildly different upbringings. From Kerry's household, where the mere mention of the Immaculate Conception was more common than real talk about reproduction, to Chrisy's home, where Playboy magazines were not so hidden, the ladies explore how these environments shaped their perceptions of womanhood and sexuality. Join us for a heartfelt, insightful conversation that promises both laughter and reflection as we unravel how our pasts continue to influence our understanding of life's essential truths.

Chapters

• 0:07 Facts of Life and Family Dysfunction
• 13:33 Childbirth Trauma and Family Dynamics
• 25:45 Female Health Challenges and Playboy Parties

Transcript

DJ Nick: 0:07

Welcome to the Dysfunction Junkies podcast. We may not have seen it all, but we've seen enough. And now here are your hosts, Chrissy and Keri.

Kerry: 0:18

Hello, hello, dysfunction Junkies, welcome. I'm Kerry and I'm Chrisy, and today we have a very interesting, diverse conversation to have. We're going to talk about the facts of life. Yes.

Chrisy: 0:32

Now we've got your attention right Exactly.

Kerry: 0:36

Not the TV show. I know it's hard not to hear that jingle in your head. It's very hard, but we might be aging ourselves. There might be some younger listeners going huh.

Chrisy: 0:45

And you're a better person if you had to ask what we were talking about.

Kerry: 0:49

But so we touched a little bit on a previous episode about how our families were very different and how we dealt with things. How we didn't deal with things. My family didn't talk about the elephant in the room. Chrissy's family normalized the elephant and talked to the whole zoo, but the facts of life was definitely something we did not talk about in my household. Anything to do with it, from sex to birth control to childbirth, to anything related. The whole sister family came to talking about. Anything like this was Jesus was born by Immaculate Conception.

Chrisy: 1:29

What about you, Chrisy? Well, that was a fascinating idea.

Chrisy: 1:34

I went to Catholic school most of my life, so of course it was something that was out there with me and somebody told me, and we were meant to make sure we believed in that whole thing, and, yeah, I would have to say that I had a father who I think appreciated he was a product of the 50s, okay, and that generation was very visual and had a lot of women that were thought of in a certain way and were presented a certain way. And what certain way would that be? Well, very sexualized, I guess, and you appreciated women specifically for the way they looked and how they made a man feel, and so I would have to say that my father was definitely a product of that, okay.

Kerry: 2:21

Did he have supportive materials? Oh?

Chrisy: 2:22

absolutely Funny how you should ask about that. I mean, yeah, uh, dad was dad and uh, me being a kid and the other two of my siblings not being really there and maybe they just weren't as curious as I was. Yeah, I would almost maybe say they weren't, you know, didn't pick up on things like I did, right, but yeah, dad had Playboy, okay, and my mission to find where, and I did. And dad had movies, porn movies, oh, wow. Yeah, I lived in an era of when VCRs were really coming into their own and dad loved his technology at the time so he always had good equipment for things like movies, so VCRs and do you think that's why he wanted to get the vcrs?

Kerry: 3:07

was for the porn movies possibly yeah I don't know, you know. I mean you corrupted me at an early age because I did for a lot of people. Yes, but my very first uh playboy magazine I ever saw was at your house wasn't at my house, jesus.

Chrisy: 3:21

I couldn't even keep it to myself. I was just always so interested in saying, hey, check this out. Um, yeah, the play. He wasn't really getting new playboys. I just must have had a time period where he got them. Oh, it was enough yeah and the other thing my family was, uh, very good to do for me was we had cable. Oh yeah you could afford that.

Kerry: 3:45

Well, we had the antennas and we got the, you know, cbs, nbc, abc, which for us was 21, 27 and channel 33 in pbs was what we got. Oh, and we got the the church channel, oh, the church on sunday, you know, that was, uh, the shut-in church, you know there was that too at the economical something channel yes. So we had like five channels in our house.

Chrisy: 4:06

Well, I, there was a time period where we only had the major networks and PBS, yeah. And then when we moved into a new home in the late 70s, that was pretty much given to us at that point. So, the window of time where we only had the limitation on programming was short, yeah, and entered the world of uh but you had the full cable package, then if you were seeing this kind of good stuff for most part.

Chrisy: 4:32

Uh, it was generally the movie channel versus hbo in my house. Uh, I think they knew that they couldn't uh have cinemax because that was, as everybody knows, skinamax. They had a bit more programming for that type of stuff. Yeah, once in a while, they give you a freebie. Yeah, for the weekend.

Kerry: 4:50

To get you to buy it and you get all excited yeah.

Chrisy: 4:52

And you go oh, look at what we got here, sneak it on, lower the volume.

Kerry: 4:56

Watch what's going on, Of course we also grew up.

Chrisy: 5:05

Tv went off at a certain time, remember they would play the national anthem and then it was static. Oh hey, so well.

Kerry: 5:08

But again, if you watch poltergeist, you understand what this is so having cable was probably really cool because you could watch tv past that time. Whenever the tape, the tv went off.

Chrisy: 5:17

Yes, yeah, that was uh fascinating it's. It's kind of fun to think about when that national anthem was played.

Kerry: 5:24

Yeah.

Chrisy: 5:24

Those images were shown and then that horrible squealing sound came on, that it was done. Yes, you know. But yeah, so cable helped and, to be honest, I probably would assume that, at least from my father's perspective, yeah, he invested in the cable, he paid for it. Yeah, you learn from that, don't bother me with this. And I never did, at least from on my father's perspective yeah, he invested in the cable. He paid for it. Yeah, you learn from that. Don't bother me with this.

Kerry: 5:47

And I never did so let's break it down.

Kerry: 5:50

So let's start with what was probably because both of us, growing up in the catholic school system and everything, our first encounter with anything to do with probably like sex or the facts of life or whatever, was, you know, the talk that we got in fifth grade health class, or maybe it wasn't even health class like it, but it was like we're gonna, we're gonna teach the young girls about getting your aunt flow.

Kerry: 6:16

So I know, for me we had a special like mom and daughter night and it was, I think, fifth or sixth grade, and so for me, yeah, it was like a fifth or sixth grade, and so for me, yeah, it was like a special thing that mom and daughters went to the school and, um, you know the one of the teachers it might have even been a nun, I'm not really even sure it was, it was maybe a nun, but anyways they, they did the little talk about that. That was like the first time anything was ever mentioned and even then my mom didn't mention it. My mom didn't talk about she took me to the school so somebody else could talk to me about it.

Chrisy: 6:46

What about you? She stayed and listened to the presentation. First of all, I find that very insulting that they would make a nun do this for you. That right there tells you they don't take it very seriously, so why should you? But my situation was not in the evening. Yeah, it was during school. It was fifth grade.

Kerry: 7:05

Okay.

Chrisy: 7:05

They had the most obnoxious, hostile, evil woman in the school present to the girls. That would have been the school nurse, and the boys were separated out of our class.

Kerry: 7:19

Okay.

Chrisy: 7:19

Now here's another insult as to why this is not taken seriously. Although maybe I don't know what the hell they were talking about, they gave the boys to the priest. I don't know what their conversation was. I wasn't in there. Now my mom did come to.

Kerry: 7:32

They welcomed moms to be in class that day. To be in class, okay, did your mom come?

Chrisy: 7:37

My mom did. I don't want to be like shitty about it, but chances are my mom was she really interested in. I need to be here for Chrissy to, in case she has questions. I really want to be a good support for this. My mom is lovely. She loves me to death. She's not a horrible person. But I bet the real reason my mom showed up that day was because she was also a school nurse in the public school system, not for the Catholic school.

Chrisy: 7:58

And I think she probably just wanted to sort of see what the other people were doing out there. What's the new thing? What's everybody talking about there? Should I, you know, up my game? You know sort of curious it was a career move, it was a career thing, sort of you know extended uh, educational day, or whatever they call that when you expand on your job stuff. But so, yeah, it was uh, it was about the period talk. Yeah, uh, not really uh sex no, no, no, no.

Kerry: 8:24

It was just about having that, the menstrual cycle.

Chrisy: 8:27

We got a really lousy book that still had people wearing the harnesses. Oh, my god, yes and I mean we're old, yeah, but we ain't that old, for christ's sake. I wasn't wearing no, goddamn harness, harness under there to hold some sort of elaborate toilet paper contraption to my area to absorb all the nightmare.

Chrisy: 8:50

My sins were being released out of my body because I was a woman or whatever they were trying to tell me. I was horrified. I can tell you for sure that I went for a very long time being completely. If there was ever one of those events that truly traumatized me, yeah, this had to be one of them, because I just thought period equals death.

Kerry: 9:10

Oh, wow, now see I, I had like no effect on me that day, Like it was uncomfortable I think uncomfortable was the best way I could describe it Because we went, we listened to it and everything, and it was just an awkward, uncomfortable conversation because it's like, oh my gosh, they're showing body parts. I mean, granted, they were inside body parts, but still like so it was awkward and uncomfortable because my family didn't talk about any of this stuff. So it was just like, well, can I leave now? You know, but I didn't. I like the information that was given. It just went over my head. In fact, afterwards my mom took me to friendlies, which, um, friendlies was like an ice cream restaurant fantastic it was, oh, the Reese's peanut butter cup, probably, I can count 20 of my pounds.

Kerry: 9:51

Yeah, so, but anyways, actually this, um. So she took me there to like to okay, carrie, what kind of questions do you have? And I was just like can I get extra whipped cream on my sundae? You know, like that's the question. I was the right, I was totally not interested. It was totally.

Kerry: 10:06

It was like and I think that was because of my upgrade, we didn't talk about things, so we're not going to talk about this. Like it was hard enough, I had to sit through it, but I don't want to talk about it. She was like you weren't, you weren't interested, and I'm like no, I was not, because we didn't talk about things. So, yeah, but I will say I'll touch on this more later but this was the beginning of my triggering of anxiety when it comes to eating ice cream, and it started there because in growing up, anytime there was something serious that my parents needed to talk about, they would always bring ice cream into it. I think they were trying to like okay, well, we'll make this easier. Like we'll feed you ice cream and that's good, but it actually caused like a trauma response for me. So this was the beginning.

Chrisy: 10:52

Here's how we're so opposite. I know when I was left at home, which was a lot. Yeah, I feel sad for you. This is the saddest, most tragic thing. You're associating ice cream with bad.

Kerry: 11:02

Bad. It does, it does it actually does.

Chrisy: 11:05

Yes, uh-huh, wow we usually always had ice cream in the house. Oh, we always had ice cream in the house, but yeah, yeah.

Kerry: 11:11

So, so, yeah, so, going from that, Okay. So we had the conversation about the menstrual thing. Did your family ever talk about sex?

Chrisy: 11:25

Like how babies are made. No, no, I was the youngest nobody was really having babies, so that really never came up oh okay, so in that way, not really. As I got older, I think they, my parents would sometimes, especially my mom, and generally I hate to say this I got the feeling for my mom.

Chrisy: 11:36

Uh, it just wasn't her thing yeah not that interested, not as interested as your father, and then that's normally what I'd be like. I don't want to hear it, I don't care, I don't want, and then that's normally what I'd be like. I don't want to hear it, I don't care I don't want to talk about that.

Chrisy: 11:46

It's gross. I don't want to know, as anybody's reaction would be to that. Right, something stuck with me too, going back to when they did this horrible talk in school, the horrible nurse that they stuck us with who was just in general a horrible Well Nurse Ratched. Dj Nick says yeah yeah, actually a very close relative of Nurse, ratched.

Kerry: 12:06

I don't even know if we had a school nurse, like I never remember going to the school nurse, but you were quite traumatized by your school nurse, yeah well, maybe I was more on my.

Chrisy: 12:13

It was on my radar because my mom was a school nurse oh, that's true. Not for me, but and I can I know the woman's name. I'm not going to say it. I don't know where she is now, maybe dead, hopefully. I hate to say that too, but I just. She was a horrible, horrible human being because I was a heavier set kid from all that ice cream from me, you know watching my dad's porn and eating ice cream.

Chrisy: 12:37

Probably nobody wanted to find out what the hell's going on at Chrissy's house. Why is she eating all this ice cream? But and I do remember her saying something that stuck with me even now she talked about how she didn't have her first period, and I find this hard to believe, but I suppose it's. It's possible and happens until she was 18. She was a tall, thin, obnoxious nurse who didn't have much as far as being well endowed. So, yeah, I guess maybe your period didn't come knocking on your door until you were 18. But the woman didn't have a as far as being well endowed. So yeah, I guess maybe your period didn't come knocking on your door until you were 18, but the woman didn't have a period till she was 18. And she's sitting here telling it's just as bad as them shipping you off with that none I know the hell. Are you here giving me the talk?

Chrisy: 13:17

the priest would be better, it's a good topic and I know some of my old alumni from that grade school might listen and they maybe liked her yeah, they might. They were probably skinny and they weren't in that talk either.

Kerry: 13:33

So, um, my, how do I word this? So you know, we didn't talk about sex, okay, did not talk about it, but I think this is where my family was, or my parents, I should say, because at that point in time it was just me and my mom and dad, because my sisters were older and already moved on. But they were probably happy we lived on a farm and that they had bought me some rabbits, because your farm and your rabbits was the fact that cable yeah, it was, it was your learning tool.

Chrisy: 14:00

It was.

Kerry: 14:00

But you know, it was like I understood that, you know, when the bunnies were getting it on, it means that babies were getting made. I don't know how I made that correlation, but I did because it certainly wasn't explained to me. And then, you know, a month later the babies would come out in the bar and open the door and there'd be babies there. It's like, oh OK, they had babies because of what happened. But but that was like you know, kind of like figure it out here.

Chrisy: 14:26

So wow, yeah, and I would probably say that that sounds very healthy and I think that that in a good way, I'm totally happy. I think that that's probably a good understanding of living things and the natural order and understanding of living in the city. The only animal I ever saw give birth when I was little and this will always stick with this is going to be so gross guys. Sorry Was a cat, okay, it had a litter of kittens, okay, and it was horrible. First of all, the things looked horrible when they came out.

Kerry: 14:56

Oh, so you actually saw them being born.

Chrisy: 14:58

Yeah, I think so, and they were in like these sacks of slimy stuff, yeah, okay, and the cat, the mother cat, then I think, ate the stuff Now on hello. That is horrific horrific.

Kerry: 15:13

So the actual giving birth part, like I said, it was kind of a rainbows and unicorns for me because I didn't see them giving birth. I just opened the barn door and they had given birth and they were already cleaned up and pretty. I didn't see my first live birth of anything until I was in I think it was seventh grade. So my one sister she was older and she was actually on her fourth child I think at that time was fourth or fifth, fourth, okay it was her fourth one and she was living in California with her husband and family and wanted to now go the home birth route.

Kerry: 15:51

So my mom put me on an airplane and we flew out there so that my mom could be there with her daughter for this home birth. And I was collateral damage and had to come along. But the plan was that while this home birth was happening, I was going to take the three children, my sisters you know three kids and we were just going to go outside and play or go into the room and play and we're not supposed to be involved with this. Well, when it started happening, the plan was that my other sister was supposed to come and like help and be there. Well, it all happened so fast that my other sister didn't get there in time.

Kerry: 16:28

So I just remember coming into the house from the kids thinking that you know, we were playing outside, we were going to have dinner and my mom was frantically covering all the windows in the house with aluminum foil and I'm like what are you doing? Where's dinner? And they're like your sister's having a baby. We need to cover up the windows. So I guess the thought was you know, they didn't want anyone seeing in. So I don't know where they came up with aluminum foil, but they started putting aluminum foil.

Chrisy: 16:51

That is such an Elvis approach.

Kerry: 16:53

I love it. So then, as this is happening and my sister's in the middle of their living room floor going into labor, they realized that, since my other sister wasn't there, that who was going to film this.

Chrisy: 17:11

So they looked at me and they shoved one of those big VCR camera things you know, like the kind that was like you know, shove that in my hand and said you need to film this because you're the only one.

Kerry: 17:18

And I'm like what am I filming? No, no backstory for you. And they're like well, you need to film the birth. And I'm like I got to point at where I mean I had never seen a vagina in my life. I never even took a mirror to look at my own, much less a book or nothing, nothing. And so I had to film this birth. So I was traumatized. I had to watch this happening. I am sitting here with a camera looking at my sister's privates, of which we never talked about anything, much less. You know, I'm going to look at it and watch this traumatic experience happening. And so, the whole entire time, all you hear me say is oh my God, I'm never having kids. Oh my God, I'm never having kids. Oh my God. I was like traumatized. I was like chanting this the entire video.

Chrisy: 18:01

You could hear this on the video.

Kerry: 18:03

Oh, yeah, yeah. So at the very last second, like, I think, as the head was coming out, my sister, who was supposed to be the photographer and the videographer, shows up and she didn't even take the camera from me. You're doing a great job. So she's like holding on to my shoulder, standing behind me and witnessing this birth, and, oh, this is so fabulous and I'm still chanting and I'm traumatized I would pay to hear this voiceover work well, you cannot hear it. You want to why.

Chrisy: 18:30

You didn't turn the camera on, oh no, I turned the camera on.

Kerry: 18:32

The camera was on, I filmed it. But two days later my brother-in-law wanted to watch a football game. Accidentally, vhs taped over it and missed the entire birth. They freaking traumatized me for no reason. Was it a good game? At least a playoff? What the hell was it? I don't know? That's insane. So that was my first experience of actual childbirth, of actually seeing the process of bunnies. This is what they do To, this is how they come out, and I was traumatized, and I always say that for the longest time. That's why I was like I'm not having kids and I don't want to do anything because I and that is not happening to me, no way, yeah well, I agree with you.

Chrisy: 19:14

I I get it that at that age uh, yeah, your experience uh is way different than mine yeah, tell me about yours well, no, I mean as far as just sex and what happens because of sex, the baby part, I don't know, I don't remember, I don't think. Even though I've had three, I don't remember ever seeing this occur.

Kerry: 19:35

You're at the wrong end.

Chrisy: 19:37

Well, yeah, I'm not that flexible and, you know, not interested in filming. That People do and that's fine, it's a choice. It's a choice and that's fine. Didn't want a lot of people in the room. My husband was there, that was plenty. Yeah, I mean, I guess you just watch television and people have a baby. They don't show you all the graphic stuff. But the one thing I kind of knew this backstory a little bit with you. We had talked about this before.

Kerry: 20:04

A little bit yeah.

Chrisy: 20:05

So I knew that this had happened to you. The fact that the video got erased for a football game, I did not know. So all of that, yeah, is for nothing, that's what I'm saying.

Kerry: 20:16

I'd be one thing if I was traumatized and they still had something, whatever and it meant something to them. But no, it was for nothing, wow, for nothing, wow. Yeah, I give my brother-in-law a hard time. Actually we were. We were over to my sister and brother-in-law's house, um, about months ago, and somehow this conversation came up and of course my sister didn't really remember or know about this because you know, she was having a baby at the time. She had more important things than worrying about traumatizing her baby sister. So we kind of got to talk about this and stuff and we were all, we were all laughing and her husband was there and I was saying like yeah, you destroyed the date, but that's still a problem in their relationship because you destroyed the date.

Chrisy: 20:53

Yeah, that's a different story. I would imagine that's probably a hard one to bring up, you know so then okay.

Kerry: 20:59

so moving on to that, now we're like in our teenage years. Did your parents ever talk about birth control? Whenever you got to the point of sex is probably going to be eminent.

Chrisy: 21:08

So no, no, no, I think they left that up to me to figure out and kind of did what were the?

Kerry: 21:16

rules whenever you had boyfriends over to the house, or were you not even allowed to have boyfriends over, or were you allowed to go to other boys houses?

Chrisy: 21:23

I didn't really go to anybody's house that often I was fairly unsupervised. Ok, my father had a job that made him work strange shifts and so if he wasn't at work, he had to sleep at weird times of the day Right, and my mother, being a nurse, also would work weird shifts Right, I was fairly unsupervised.

Kerry: 21:47

You had a lot of freedom.

Chrisy: 21:48

And they knew I had a serious boyfriend. And they came over and you know, things happened, my, my father, one time we just didn't move quick enough. My father, my father, worked for general motors, right, and so his schedule was pretty understandable, right, you knew. But once in every great while, the worst thing could happen on my part was that line went, it went, shut down.

Kerry: 22:12

Yeah, because both our dads work there.

Chrisy: 22:14

Right, that line went down, yep and wasn't going to come back up. They're going to send them home, right? So sometimes dad would show up unexpectedly and I do know that he came home and, uh, you know, oopsie, somebody else is here. This stopped, but this whole thing's happening. Oh no, and we?

Kerry: 22:30

I think we moved I thought we moved pretty quick and got it all covered up.

Chrisy: 22:31

Somebody else is here to stop, but this whole thing's happening, oh no, and we? I think we moved. I thought we moved pretty quick and got it all covered up.

Kerry: 22:35

Oh my god, what's so?

Chrisy: 22:36

funny is I had a neighbor across the street used to sit on his porch a lot, oh no. And he said he remembers my dad came home that day and he saw the garage open and he saw lights in the house. Come on real quick, oh. So I was sort of embarrassed.

Chrisy: 22:52

Oh neighborhood knew the neighbors knew what the hell was going on, and so it was what it was. The only thing I remember is that my father the next day, as I was like sitting in my bedroom just being goofy, I think, I used to like to stare at myself in the mirror a lot. I used to think what I saw was pretty good, looking back at me, and so I would like lay on my bed all kinds of weird ways and just like sort of see what angle I look better at, and upside down. And I remember my dad coming in there and sort of I'm upside down, so I see him upside down, and then I kind of roll over and get upright and he says I don't know what's going on, but it better stop. Oh geez, that was all I got. That was it? Okay, I will take that into consideration. Dad, maybe you can be better about letting us know when that goes. God damn line's going to go down, yeah, really, and this will be a better place for everybody.

Kerry: 23:43

That line going down was a big thing because my dad's job in the at GM also because they worked there at the same time he was part of like the ordering of all the parts of it. He didn't work on the line but he was like more like ordering all the parts and stuff. So sometimes if he couldn't get the parts there it was because of him that the line shut down.

Chrisy: 24:05

So you could probably blame my dad. My dad's probably the reason why the line shut down that day. I had no idea, god damn it. Yeah, no, my father. At one time my father was actually in supervision okay, so he was not and he actually chose the stress I guess out there not to get off topic. I guess was just so bad in supervision for him. At least he eventually chose to go back online.

Kerry: 24:21

Yeah so in. Regarding birth control, my family again. You know that the rule of thumb was basically you're just not going to have sex, you're going to abstain until you are married, and that's just how we're going to deal with this. You're, we're not going to talk about it, you're going to abstain, and so, but by gosh, we're definitely not going to talk to you about, like condoms and birth control, because we don't want you to encourage you to have sex.

Chrisy: 24:43

That would be giving you, would be giving me permission, right.

Kerry: 24:47

And, oh my God, we'd have to talk about it. So it was just a matter of like. No immaculate conception is as how anything is going to happen, or you know, once you're married.

Chrisy: 24:56

So yeah, no, probably pretty much understood that sex will equal. If you're not careful, pregnancy, yeah, and that's going to be a big headache for you.

Chrisy: 25:05

And secondly, we grew up with AIDS yes, being a terrifying option and we, it was beat into our heads with different stories, yep, famous people getting it, and when you were going to, if you got diagnosed with that back then, you were going to and so that was terrifying. So I think maybe my parents just thought well, jesus, just scary, scary, yeah, she's, she'll, she'll get birth control, yeah she'll make sure she'll find a way yeah, because I mean she's she's savvy enough she'll figure it out like die. So it's just sort of like you know, she'll protect herself and she'll just take care of it.

Kerry: 25:40

Oh my gosh, yes.

Chrisy: 25:42

Obviously, you weren't having that talk either.

Kerry: 25:44

Nope, wasn't, nope, nope. One of the most awkward times for me was because I ended up having a lot of female problems growing up, and it started when I was probably about 16. And I mean, it was just horrible. I ended up finding out that I would get a lot of cysts on my ovaries and I had endometriosis, and it's just. One thing led to another, but it all started when I was about 16. So I remember waking up one morning in excruciating pain and so my mom took me to the doctor's office. Now she did not take me to an emergency room, which now, in hindsight, I'm thinking like why didn't she take me to the emergency room? Like I was in severe pain, like I was passing out with pain, but yet she took me to the doctor's office. But whatever that's, I guess something else.

Kerry: 26:25

But, I guess she was in denial, but anyway. So they took me to the doctor's office and, as I'm lying on the exam room table like breathing in pain, I remember them asking me have you had like or is it possible you're pregnant? That's what they asked. I was so mortified that I was going to have to answer this question, which, at the time, at that moment in time, the answer was no. I had not had sex, I was still a virgin. But I had to answer that question to other people.

Kerry: 26:55

It wasn't just my mom, there was a male doctor and a nurse. There was like all surrounding me looking me as I'm breathing in pain. So I hesitated in my answer because I was mortified, I was frozen in fear, like, you want me to talk, you want me to answer this question. Well, they all assumed that, because of my pause, that it was, oh, I had had sex and so, oh, she's probably pregnant. And so that started this whole thing. And now, oh, she's probably pregnant, and so that started this whole thing. And now my mom, she's pulling the rosary out, and oh my gosh, and it wasn't any of that. And so they ended up they did take me to the emergency room and they figured out that it was just. It was the whole thing with the ovaries and the cysts and everything was causing it. But from that day on, I swear, my mother looked at me with such disappointment because she thought I had sex.

Chrisy: 27:43

For no reason.

Kerry: 27:44

For no reason, it wasn't even true, and when I tried to tell her that once we were in private, she didn't believe me. She didn't believe me because I paused, because I didn't answer, because, remember, in our family we didn't talk about things and if something was really wrong and they disproved of something, they didn't talk about it, they gave you the silent treatment or you didn't talk.

Chrisy: 28:07

So therefore she thought I was lying so for years, for years, she thought I was having sex when I was. I was not having sex. That stinks, it's horrible.

Kerry: 28:10

Accused of doing it, I know, I know, and then when you're dying, when you're sitting there in so much pain, you're passing out and they're more concerned about. She had sex and I didn't.

Chrisy: 28:20

That question, too, comes up a lot. We're at the age now where, eventually, that question is not going to be brought up in our medical exams, but they still ask that now. And then you got to sit there and think, when they ask you that at this age you're like wait a minute, when was your last period?

Kerry: 28:35

Well, yeah, it's possible you're pregnant. Oh possible you're pregnant.

Chrisy: 28:38

Yeah, Well, I mean, you know, yeah, everything's possible right now at this point. Do I think I am? No, I mean, what do you want me to do? And then I usually go to the doctor without drinking or eating anything, yeah, which is a big mistake, because then they want you to pee in a cup and it's like, look, I got to tell you right now you might want to just drain some blood. It's the Sahara Desert right now.

Kerry: 29:01

I didn't drink anything.

Chrisy: 29:02

Well, if we give you some water, no, no, because I'd have to drink a ton of water. It's mentally just no, I'll come back, let me know and I'll drink a ton of water. It's a whole thing. Yeah, yeah, that question is still, yeah.

Kerry: 29:15

What I hate about it now this age is because, like I said, I ended up having a lot of female problems. A lot it was, it was, it was, it was issues after issues and and it took and I kept saying to my doctors can you just take the ovaries out? Can you take them out Please? It's okay, I'm okay with not having kids, but I can't deal with this pain all the time. But they wouldn't because, oh no, insurance won't cover it or you, you might change your mind or whatever. So finally, when I was practically dying, in the hospital again, they finally decided that, oh, the reason why you're having this pain is because you're having these cysts on your ovaries and it's flipping, it's torsing your ovaries, and so that was what was happening. So then it became a life-threatening thing. So they finally took my ovaries out.

Kerry: 29:56

This was about 20 years ago, so now it drives me nuts. This is on my record. All my doctors know this happened, that I don't have my ovaries and don't have, and then there was also all these ablations and stuff. So I haven't had a period for over 25 years. Okay, they still ask me when I go to the doctors when was your last period? Oh, my gosh, and I'm like, really we're going to um, let's see 2005,. Three, whatever.

Chrisy: 30:23

I'm like really concerned because you haven't had one in 20 years, I know, and you're just coming to see us now.

Kerry: 30:30

But it's like, really I'm here because I skinned my knee. Why does it matter? When I had my last period.

Chrisy: 30:34

You know it's like Were you having your period and you fell down.

Kerry: 30:39

I know, Well, I suppose, after everything I went through and how old I am.

Chrisy: 30:42

Yeah, if I had a period, I probably would fall down and skin my knee. So, yes, thank you. Mystery solved.

Kerry: 30:50

I'm out of here so yeah, wow.

Chrisy: 30:54

Well, wow, it's crazy, the birth control boyfriends learning about sex porn.

Kerry: 31:04

But I do have one thing I want to share before we leave, because you touched about Playboy, so I got to tell you about my Playboy experience. It's not what you think.

Chrisy: 31:11

Oh, oh OK.

Kerry: 31:14

So at part of my career I was living in Las Vegas and I was working with lions that were on display at one of the hotels Yaddy, yaddy, yaddy. Long story short, one of the girls that I worked with used to work at the Playboy Mansion and the Playboy Mansion had their own little zoo, and so she worked at the mansion taking care of the zoo. So in other words, she had an in with that group of people Right. So she helped organize one of Hugh Hefner's birthday parties that was held at one of the major casinos. So because I had that relationship with her, she invited me to go. So I actually went to. I don't even know what birthday it was. I don't know if he was 60, 55. I don't know the age, whatever, but I got to go to one of the private Hugh Hefner birthday parties.

Kerry: 32:02

And this was kind of interesting because it was the first time in my life again my very sheltered life that I ever saw boobs from behind. Explain so all the girls were so thin and so tiny that from behind their boobs stuck out like on the sides. So, like you know, if you were from behind there's like this pencil thin person. But with these two big round things coming out this side, I didn't know that was possible. I was like, oh, that's interesting. That was a different life experience.

Chrisy: 32:34

That would be. You would have been my dad's favorite daughter. Yeah, he was. That is an impressive thing to be able to experience I'm sorry some of you might be horrified by that I'm going to a playboy, but I'm sorry. It was.

Kerry: 32:51

Pop culture was great that's a great experience yeah, coming from the very sheltered life that I led, it was really like, wow, this is the real world out here.

Chrisy: 33:00

But well it, it's the real world and the Hugh Hefner.

Kerry: 33:04

Yeah, that's true, yeah, but yeah, God bless those ladies. Well, this was fun. I'm glad we got to share these stories and how we learned about the facts of life and kind of interested to hear what other people's history was and how they learned about things. Did you learn it from the animals? Did you learn it from porn? Did you walk in on your parents and learn it?

Chrisy: 33:27

Oh God, thank God, that was never one of mine. That was not, no, I know I feel for you people out there. I know that has happened yeah.

Kerry: 33:33

It's not uncommon, nope, nope, but it never happened in my house. We're all mechanically conceived, right? But yeah, so we'll put something on Facebook to see all your feedback. But yeah, this was fun today. So thank you for joining us. Please make sure, wherever you are listening to us from, please give us a five star review. We sure appreciate it. It help us get noticed and be able to share this safe place to talk about our dysfunctions and to have our own little therapy session with others. So, but otherwise, we'll see you all next week. Thank you, bye.