
Dysfunction Junkies
Two high school besties reconnect and commiserate their stories as they navigate the dysfunctions of life from marriage, families, illness, death of childhood families, and creating healthy boundaries. Join them each week as Chrisy and Kerry share their stories and life lessons all with a zest of wit, humor, and love. They may not have seen it all, but they have seen enough!
Dysfunction Junkies
When Family Gatherings Go Up in Flames: Surviving Summer Dysfunction
Why are summer family gatherings sometimes easier to handle than winter ones? As we discover in this raw and revealing episode, it might simply be because you can escape to the backyard when things get tense. But even with more exit strategies, Fourth of July celebrations can still produce lasting trauma.
Whether you're dreading family gatherings this holiday weekend or looking forward to them, this episode validates your experiences while offering both serious reflection and much-needed laughter. Join our dysfunction family and discover you're not alone in navigating the complicated emotions that come with celebration traditions.
Check out our Facebook page and share your own holiday weekend memories with us at dysfunctionjunkies.buzzsprout.com.
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Dysfunction Junkies has all rights to the songs "Hit the Ground Running" created by Ryan Prewett and "Happy Hour" created by Evert Z.
Welcome to the Dysfunction Junkies podcast. We may not have seen it all but we've seen enough.
DJ Nick:And now here are your hosts, Chrisy and Kerry.
Kerry:Hello Junkies, I'm Kerry
Chrisy:and I'm Chrisy.
Kerry:Happy Fourth of July weekend.
Chrisy:Oh no, I mean yes. Happy 4th of July.
Kerry:What better thing to talk about is the summer family get together of the 4th of July?
Chrisy:I guess Some people might think it's better to get it together with friends, but I think that might be true of a lot of family holiday type things yeah.
Kerry:We were talking a little bit before the show, but we were saying that the one nice thing about the summer family get togethers is you can get away from each other To some extent. Yeah.
Chrisy:I feel and I'm sure that people listening might say not true that they've seen some horrific things happen during the summer holiday get togethers, I have no doubt, but just personal experience I feel like, because you're not confined inside somewhere, that it seems like the at least on my part less, less problems.
Kerry:Yeah, definitely, I do remember that it was. I always enjoyed the summer family get togethers better than the ones in the, you know November, december, and it was because I could get away, I could escape, I could hide, I could whatever I had to do. But I didn't have those options when we were stuck in the snow in the house and stuff like that. So, but I get it, there was still drama, oh sure, oh yeah, absolutely my best 4th of July memory, one of my earliest 4th of July memories, is we were out sitting around the picnic table having you know 4th of July food and watermelon and all the wonderful things.
Kerry:My grandmother was a smoker so I'm sure she enjoyed coming to the family holiday in the summer because she could smoke outside but she couldn't smoke in the house, so she was puffing away out there. But I do remember she was pissed off about something and I don't know, maybe she was pissed off at me, I don't know, but somehow I was sitting next to her and I remember her being mad and I remember she took that cigarette and put it right on my hand Are you kidding me? I'm not kidding you. And the ashtray was kind of nearby and she was like oh, I'm sorry, I meant to put that out in the ashtray, but no, she put it out on my hand, that is right out of that Sybil TV show.
Kerry:Yep, that is crazy, that is my first 4th of July.
Chrisy:memory Did nobody like say what the hell, mom? What the hell did you like your one of your parents or Nope? Who else saw her do this?
Kerry:Everyone at the table.
Chrisy:Carrie, you had to have a serious burn on your hand.
Kerry:I did for the longest time. Actually, I should look and see. For the longest time you could still see it. It's kind of probably grown out or covered with age spots now, but yeah, for the longest time you could always see that spot on my hand, I know.
Chrisy:What do you think she was mad at you? Your grandchild, how can you be that mad at somebody? I?
Kerry:don't know what she was. I really, and I don't know, she might've been mad at my mom, I have no idea. I don't remember that part. It was overridden by the piercing pain and me as a child, just I just remember sitting there and it hurt but I, for whatever reason, also knew don't react, you know. So I just sat there how do you not react? And I went. I remember going into the house and putting a cold cloth and then I found a closet to cry in or something. No one came to find me, no one came to look after me.
Chrisy:I don't, I don't know this is one of the, and we've talked about some pretty horrible things yeah as far as just like shit that's happened.
Kerry:Yeah, this has got to be up there. Yeah, as far as just like shit dysfunction yeah, this has got to be up there.
Chrisy:Yeah, no wonder I'm effed up yeah, so I the fact that you're able to say that in general you don't remember the the summer ones being bad.
Kerry:This is pretty bad I know, but that was, but I, but this is what I'm saying. This was my first big memory of fourth of july and I think after that I pretty much always well, I never sat next to Grandma again whenever she was smoking.
Chrisy:Hell, no, hell, no. She walked around what do you mean? Like she wasn't in a wheelchair or anything.
Kerry:Oh, God, no, no, she was physically able yeah.
Chrisy:Oh.
Kerry:This is the same one who drove made me drive drunk Right when she was drunk Right.
Chrisy:Yes, Same person I was just going to say after the cigarette thing I would have if she was in a wheelchair, I would have found a fairly steep hill and took grandma for a walk and then like whoops, just like when you put the cigarette out on my hand. Whoops, I didn't yeah.
Kerry:I'll never forget that when she did it, I and she did it, I'm telling you it was. It had to been on purpose, because it wasn't like, oh my God, and grab the child and no, it was kind of like, oh oopsie, I meant to put that in the. Did she have like dementia or anything? No, but she had. She had OK, no, no, she was fully aware of what she was doing Wow, yeah, again with the.
Chrisy:This is my new thing as well. I say wow a lot because you never cease to amaze me, I have to say wow, you never knew how screwed up of a life.
Kerry:I was. I was behind this picture, perfect image that my family set up.
Chrisy:You were really good at giving me this beautiful picture, I know, but to give you credit, it's not like you. It did not appear to me that you were like phony or trying to create some persona that wasn't there, right? I find you to be a very honest and very real person. Yeah, I guess probably just all of this trauma and dysfunction that you had experienced basically trained you how you could still blend and function into normal yes, without being recognized.
Kerry:Yes, you are very right, I am very right. Actually, what I was trying to find is, as you were talking, you said something there. That was it. I wrote something down earlier and I'll see if I can find it. It's because of that that you 100%. I've learned how to go unnoticed with without I don't know. Yeah.
Chrisy:Hiding in plain sight. There you go, yeah, yeah, I I'm Top. That played in sight. There you go, yeah, yeah, I'm top that, chrissy Go. I can't, I can't. Fourth of July was generally fine. Now, I didn't make this in my notes, but just hearing you, yes, I'm trying to remember summer, like from a long time ago, and probably this is a Fourth of July story or maybe just in general, a summer picnic. But going along with the theme, I do remember getting scolded by my father and sent to my room. See, this is like I sound like a total dork now. I was just like Carrie got burnt with a cigarette, but now I'm going to tell you how my daddy yelled at me for making obnoxious noises at the table.
Chrisy:So we were eating, we had friends over my parents' friends, and they had a son that was like my age and we were sitting at the picnic table eating our picnic. Yeah, and we had beans and me and this uh friend were commenting about uh beans and how lovely they are and what they make you do, okay. So, and we were like probably four or five years old remember we were.
Chrisy:We were very young, okay, but we just took it to the level of just making fart noises while everybody else was trying to eat and my father had had enough, had enough, and I think he got up and then he, you know, he said that's, I had just dad standing up and looking at me. Oh yeah, I knew that was my go to your room, Right.
Kerry:So I had to leave.
Chrisy:So there's one, but he didn't put a cigarette out on me or anything like that.
Kerry:And this is not meant to be oh, my trauma is better or worse than yours, or one upping. You know it's all relative to our experiences. So your dad giving you that, look, I mean that's serious. You know, it's just different. It's just different ways we grew up and how we process things.
Chrisy:Yeah, you should have really started with your story and then went to Chris, I mean went to Carrie's story.
Kerry:You want to start over? No. Yeah, because then it would be like I was trying to run off. Oh no, I'm not. Well, so that I remember. I remember you had something in your show notes about being burned though, or not being burned.
Chrisy:Well, I never as as destructive as I was with friends yes and other playmates. And you would think the fourth of july equals fire and things that are warm and hot and dangerous. I don't remember ever burning or catching anyone on fire.
Kerry:Well, that's good. Good job, Chrissy, good start. Because of the sparklers and everything yeah, we love those, but we did have the sparklers. I would do remember that. No, I never got burned by that. That would have made like more sense to get burned by.
Chrisy:But well, to some extent depends on the situation If you actually just like ran into somebody with a sparkler, but somebody sticking it on your skin purposely. Yeah, exactly, and then oh wow, but yeah. So another memory I have of the Fourth of July that was out of the norm, where we weren't like just hanging out with swimming and you know, having a good time with a picnic was. We went to a baseball game on the 4th of July and it was the Cleveland Indians and the Texas Rangers on the 4th of July during a 4th of July, that was like a day game.
Chrisy:Yeah, yeah, it was during the day and it was a billion degrees out.
Kerry:And you know how?
Chrisy:first of all, we're in a place where there's a lot of people and it would require me to sit around other people and yeah, and they're generating heat without even trying, because now it's just like a billion degrees out. And I remember being very hostile. Can you believe it?
Chrisy:I was hostile about having to be there because I'm not even a really big baseball fan to watch it. If you watch the kids play baseball or, like my husband, used to be in a men's softball league, that was fun. I could like sit and watch that and enjoy it very much.
Kerry:Jim and I love a good baseball game. We could sit and watch baseball all the time.
Chrisy:Well, that's wonderful. And my husband? I think my husband enjoys baseball, but he definitely appreciates football a little bit more.
Kerry:But you, also don't like when people create heat. No, I just don't you mentioned this before when we were talking about concerts, about people need to sit down, don't generate heat.
Chrisy:Yes, yes, so I think I don't even remember really sitting in my seat that much. I remember kind of getting up a lot and leaving.
Kerry:Refreshments.
Chrisy:Well, I think I smoked at the time and so you had to get up and but I didn't put my cigarette out on anybody. I really should have thought about doing that. It sounds like it could be a good time, I don't know. That's, it's horrible. I'm sorry, I don't mean to make light of that?
Kerry:no, you can't. It's 100. That's what this is our safe place. We talk about things.
Chrisy:We find humor in the dysfunction it's okay, god love you for finding humor with that, because that is just. I remember one time I I had a someone, we who smoked also, we were sort of going out or something, and when, back in the day, when we used to wear pantyhose yeah, they were keeping track of their hand with their cigarette and they accidentally put an ash near me and it hit my pantyhose. And you nobody who wears pantyhose anymore or most people don't smoke anymore either, thank goodness. Hot ash on a pantyhose, it shreds immediately, it's done. And then I was just very hostile and angry again, because you know, when someone messes up, my look it's like all over. Yeah, exactly that's the only time I remember being hurt by a cigarette.
Kerry:You know it's sad that I have to do this disclaimer, but these are my stories and my experiences. Much like what you're talking about is your stories and your experiences, and it's not so much about talking bad about things that people that are related to us have done, it's our experiences, so we can talk about these things and I've had people kind of get upset with me about, well, you're sharing things that happened about our family and it's like, no, I'm sharing what happened to me, right? So if you don't like it, turn it off, don't listen. This is my therapy, my safe space, chrissy's therapy, her safe space. We're talking about what happened to us, how it's affected us, moving on, and we're hoping that maybe some of you listening can find something to relate to and realize you know, hey, yeah, we've all come from some sort of dysfunction and that maybe this will help you get past it, find some humor in it, be able to move on, release that energy, negativity, hostility, and find a place of healing to move on. So there's my disclaimer for the show.
Chrisy:Yeah, and I think it helps to know that certain things are not something that you share solely on your own, that they're similar experiences. It's perceived and experienced differently because we're all individuals. Yeah, we don't ever try to assume or presume what the other person who might've been with us during this experience was feeling or thinking Right, and I hope we don't ever accidentally speak for them, because we certainly don't mean to do that.
Kerry:This is my perceptions. What happened to me in that moment? My memory, my whatever. And yes, I felt like this person did this on purpose, just because of how active. But you never know, maybe it was truly an accident and they just didn't know how to respond to it in a more compassionate, empathetic way.
Chrisy:I don't know that it is an accident. I feel differently, but that's just my opinion, because it just seems fairly purposeful. But yeah, well, you know, I don't know that this will ever come up again and I hate this side segue. That's okay segue all you want. I have a funny story about now that we're talking about cigarettes oh god, chris.
Kerry:So we never know where these shows are gonna go.
Chrisy:We come up with a topic and then boom because there was something that was ridiculous that I did. It was all on me for the most part, so I was out being bad at a probably an age that you shouldn't be doing these things. Are we talking teens, 20s?
Kerry:Yeah, we're talking teens.
Chrisy:And I was headed into a night spot and I had already sort of been enjoying myself prior to getting there, Okay. So it was a little bit in my clear mind and I remember getting walking across the street to get into the place we were going and I realized at that moment that I no longer had my purse. Oh, and so I was like where'd my purse go? What happened to my purse? And I turn around and it's laying in the middle of the street and I was like stared for a minute at my purse and I'm like, oh my God, this is just like Sounds like so out of a movie, like a most ridiculous movie, and I swear I'm not lying. At that moment, when I realized my purse was in the middle of the street, in my mind, my memory, it probably wasn't a big truck, but a huge truck came along, Rolled over my purse. So now I had to go. I'm like, oh my God, and I had like a big tire.
Chrisy:And it probably was a big purse, because back in the day we had big purses, it was not only big, but it was like this stupid shiny patent, like looking things that were sort of popular. So it really showed off the tire mark, oh my gosh. So I grabbed my purse and I had cigarettes in my purse, of course. So now my cigarette's flat, but when you're that age with a pack of cigarettes, you're not gonna let them go to waste. Oh my god, well broke my lighter with the rolled over. So when we got to where we wanted to be and we're sitting at the bar, I had to ask them to give me matches to light my cigarette, my flat cigarette, because my leg no longer works. So I went, my buddy and we're sitting there and we're trying to act like we're cool like everything's normal me with my underage, no bar smoking.
Chrisy:My purse with my tire mark on it and my flat marbles and uh, now I got a box of, uh, whatever you called, what did they used to call the things of matches a book. Is that called a book of matches? Yeah, I guess yeah, so I'm sitting there and of course I'm not in my right state of mind completely anyhow because you had pre-gamed or had roadies on the way yeah, we had fun before we got there so I'm talking to my friend and we're just talking and I go to light my cigarette with a match.
Chrisy:Big mistake. And remember this is 80s hair, oh no. So I was talking to her and I lit my cigarette and you had to suck on it harder than normal because of course it's flat now so it's not real easy to get it moving and going. And I kind of didn't realize. I didn't put my match out. So I'm like leaning and I like caught my hair on fire and my girlfriend proceeded to beat the hell out of me at the door Because she had to put me out.
Kerry:Oh, my God.
Chrisy:So, and I was offended, she smacked me and and my hair is all, I just tuck it behind you. Oh, my god, my hair. I worked so hard on.
Kerry:That is completely dysfunctional. Every, every manner of it. It was great. I'm sure we all have stories of catching our hair on fire, doing dumb things Like oh my God, we didn't want to.
Chrisy:We covered this episode, which is really about dysfunction with cigarettes, as the fourth of July, but maybe we need to. Well, let's start talking about the other thing that we do with fire on, unless you know, go for it.
Kerry:The fireworks, yeah, fireworks. So did your family always go see fireworks? No, we we were.
Chrisy:I came from a group of men that felt it was fun and manly to set up our own, our own firework display. So, no, I don't really remember going purposely and seeing fireworks.
Kerry:Well, we would always go see fireworks and I think it's probably because we didn't have enough money to buy our own, you know. So we would go places. So one of the high schools always had like a big firework show. So, we did that for years, until the one year at the high school in Austintown. We were there and we were sitting, you know, and usually before the big show starts, like every 10 minutes, they'll shoot a firework up, like you know it's like kind of letting people know it's coming, it's coming, you know, whatever.
Kerry:And so we're sitting there, blah, blah, blah. Well, we were sitting in these seats and as they were shooting these you, you know individual ones up, for whatever reason, my mom and dad decided to move up two more rows. So we did, we moved up two more rows. I don't, I don't know why, I don't know if it was, oh, as they were shooting up, oh, if we go up two more rows a little better, I don't know so, anyways, the firework show starts and within like a minute or two of the fireworks starting, something went bad.
Kerry:Uh, fireworks went rogue, something happened, and one of the fireworks starting something went bad. Fireworks went rogue, something happened, and one of the fireworks went wrong and it shot up and landed right where we were sitting, and luckily nobody else had taken those seats. So if we wouldn't have moved, it would have landed on, either like my dad, my mom or myself, and so that was it. We never, from then on, if we went and saw fireworks, we like parked somewhere and you watched it from afar. Yeah, so, yeah, that ended the fireworks thing. And then when, whenever, going back to our New Year's episode, moving out to Las Vegas, fireworks was equivalent to people shooting guns, so yeah, I'm never, I'm no, just don't usually go anymore.
Chrisy:So when you're you're 4th of July is now you don't make it a point to go see fireworks.
Kerry:No, the most I'll see is sometimes at our farm where we live now. There's a fairgrounds just a couple miles away, and so from our upstairs bedroom we can see that, so we'll go and watch from there, but to go specifically to watch fireworks, no.
Chrisy:Well, I wonder if you're actually seeing, because more and more recently the nice family that I work for they were in the past. It's been a while now since they have done this, but for the longest time they always had a very large gathering for Fourth of July. It was always a wonderful party. I mean they would have wonderful food, they usually had a band. I mean it was always a wonderful party. I mean they would have wonderful food, they usually had a band. I mean it was a big deal At their house, at their house which is actually not far from where you are.
Kerry:You're right, I bet you, if I look out my other window back direction, I'll have to do that.
Chrisy:I don't know if they still do it. They might. But they used to invite a lot of the people from the company to participate in these wonderful parties and they were wonderful and their fireworks display. I think probably because they were friendly with the family.
Kerry:That I think sells fireworks, which helps our area.
Chrisy:And they had. Their display was just as good, if, in my opinion, sometimes better I'm sure if you would have went somewhere and they had people there that knew what they were doing too. But I I do understand what you mean by the fear. Yeah, because I think, growing up with dads and people who wanted to set off their own fireworks now my father I don't remember anything ever going bad yeah, thank goodness no fireworks gone, rogue, no, um, but that fear was always in me because I think there were a couple of close calls, yeah, but yeah, no, fireworks are pretty scary.
Kerry:They are my husband.
Chrisy:I don't think he really cares that much for fireworks.
Kerry:No, because when we started, dating and earlier on.
Chrisy:I would like to. I wouldn't mind going to see him because it's something to do.
Kerry:Yeah.
Chrisy:He was never like in a real hurry to run out the door to go see fireworks.
Kerry:I, you know it's weird is I mean I enjoy, I mean it's nice to watch and everything again from afar. But what I really like are the ones that are not even like colorful displays, but it's just the big boom where it's just you see a flash of light and then it's just like cannon boom, that, like vibrates, that you like that that's those are my favorite ones. And it's not like I said. It's not even something. You see, it's, it's you feel it so now, I don't like that.
Chrisy:That just sounds terrible and, of course, if you know anything about my personality, I'm sitting there and it never ceases to cross. You know it always crosses. My mind is this is probably bad for the earth.
Kerry:Oh, I will. Yes, I will say, that is I. One of the things I do have a real issue with is the fireworks, because of the animals and the birds, and all of that I didn't think of the.
Chrisy:I was just thinking of, like the gas or whatever it's putting off into the atmosphere.
Kerry:So I always fear for the animals too. And then in working in animal control for all those years out in Las Vegas and Henderson area, july 5th was our busiest day of the year because, of course, all the people that think it's just so great. Well, we're going to go on a picnic and we're going to take Fluffy with us. Fluffy does not want to be at your 4th of July picnic, trust me.
Kerry:Fluffy does not want to listen to the fireworks. You know so how many animals would get it was it was. It was our busiest day of the year on loose dogs and animal problems because of the night before.
Chrisy:Oh, yeah, they. I'm sure they're terrified if you don't put them in a safe space where you could try and shelter them from that noise and chaos, right, yeah, oh, I have experienced people where we have been, where they were doing fireworks at a friend's house or whatever, where they're terrified because they're afraid their pet had run off because somebody hadn't secured them.
Kerry:Right, so make sure this weekend, over the festivities, you're locking your animals up nice and safe and tight in the house, you know. Put them in a bedroom, put them in a crate, whatever you need to do. Please make sure that they're in there. Put a radio on a thunder shirt, whatever you need to do to help them. Because, yeah, but I do always worry about the birds and stuff whenever the fireworks are going off.
Chrisy:Geez, I don't even think of the birds. Do they even know what the heck's going on? What can they hear? I don't know what the birds do. I never saw a bird's ear. Yes, what's going on there? They do.
Kerry:It is very disruptive in the lights and everything. It's just like, yeah, it just. There's so many bad things. And then, like with our horses when we lived out West, they were in a, you know, it was like a community corral where we had a lot of the horses were kept at and I always worried because you would always find, you know, stray firework pieces or whatever that had somehow managed to get over to the corrals oh sure it was like bottled yeah yeah, so usually, even in the summertime, when it's nice, we always bring the horses in for that night because we just don't want anything flying into the art and hitting them.
Chrisy:So oh jeez I know it's just a lot to think about. I know, you know what.
Kerry:I'm just gonna stay inside and watch a movie on the fourth of july yeah, well, we're getting old, so we're pretty much probably going to be in bed by eight o'clock anyway. So well, I'm not gonna say that doesn't sound horrible at all to me, but we do hope that everybody has a safe holiday weekend. You know, appreciate definitely celebrate our freedom and celebrate what it is to be American, but do it as safe as possible and keep those animals safe.
Chrisy:Stay away from lit cigarettes and loose fireworks, grandma, grandma's with cigarettes. I would stay away from grandma's with cigarettes.
Kerry:That would be the title of our show Stay away from grandma Grandma's with cigarettes. I would stay away from grandma's cigarettes.
Chrisy:That would be the title of our show Stay Away From Grandma. That is the perfect title.
Kerry:All righty, everybody. Well, please check us out on our Facebook page. Give us some feedback on how you celebrated your holiday weekend. If you have any good memories or bad memories whatever you want to share about where your safe space, so find us at dysfunction junkies dot buzzsproutcom. Bye everybody. Happy 4th. Happy 4th, duck and cover.