Trauma Talks Back: Your Parents' Baggage in 10 Phrases

Words have power, especially those spoken by parents to their children. Have you ever considered how the phrases your parents used might actually reveal their own unhealed trauma? In this illuminating episode, Chrisy and Kerry unpack ten common expressions that signal generational pain being passed down through families.

What makes this conversation particularly powerful is the compassion both hosts bring to their analysis. Rather than condemning parents who use these phrases, they explore the underlying trauma that leads adults to repeat harmful patterns. They acknowledge their own struggles as parents to break these cycles, noting how easy it is to fall back on learned behaviors even when we consciously want to do better.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Dysfunction Junkies
• 7:26 Ten Phrases Reflecting Parental Trauma
• 7:26 Personal Experiences With Phrases
• 13:37 "Because I Said So" Experiences
• 19:22 Stop Crying & Emotional Expression
• 29:17 Comparing Children & Material Happiness

Transcript

DJ Nick: 0:07

welcome to the dysfunction junkies podcast. We may not have seen it all, but we've seen enough. So now here are your hosts, Chrisy and Kerry,

Kerry: 0:19

hi junkies, welcome back.

Kerry: 0:21

I'm Kerry

Chrisy: 0:22

and I'm chrisy

Kerry: 0:22

. Well, chrisy's come up with another good one today, I don't know.

Chrisy: 0:26

I hope I thought this was interesting. I came across this uh just in some feed was uh from a global english editing by farley ledgwood and it was the 10 phrases. As a child, if you heard the people who raised you say these phrases to you, they think that it had something to say about the parent or the adult's own personal trauma.

Kerry: 0:54

Their childhood trauma? Yes, okay.

Chrisy: 0:57

And I was looking through these phrases and me and Kerry were talking about this a little bit and I have heard, I think, all of these phrases there's 10 of them. Yeah, but believe it or not, for as fun as I was having as a kid and my especially my father very, you know, creative in how he would sometimes let me know what he thought or how I should behave. I don't really remember getting any of these firsthand.

Kerry: 1:21

Oh, ok.

Chrisy: 1:22

But now you said, yeah, there's a couple of these on here that when we get to, talk about some of the ones that maybe you can even share, like what was the event or whatever that that was being told to you.

Kerry: 1:35

Yeah, all right, I'm going to go with number two, because that one I will talk about that one. Number two says the phrase was because I said so, that's why and I know I've definitely heard that from my father, okay, and it was probably, you know, I was probably an annoying kid at one point and your dad was telling me to do something and it was like why, why, why, you know the little parrot why, right, and it's because I said so, that's why not that it was an answer, you know. But so I definitely know, I, that one I've I've heard many times, but it was never said in like, it was never answer, you know. But so I definitely know, I, that one I've heard many times, but it was never said in like, it was never said like with a threat, it was just, it was more out of like matter of fact, annoyance, irritation. They couldn't come up with a reason why.

Chrisy: 2:17

So that was just because I said so, that's why, right, I am a parent, I'm a child and that's the end of it. I don't really remember being told that, and it's not that it's beneath my father or anything like that.

Chrisy: 2:32

But I think I just there was a point where, again, if you listen to episodes before, I definitely have a huge fondness for my dad. But I think growing up I thought maybe the guy was a little crazy and I not that I didn't deserve discipline, I did, as you guys have heard me talk about stories. Obviously I was no little princess or you know, very sweet, little quiet, you know mousy type of kid, but generally if dad said something you just stayed quiet. But to question it, yeah, I mean you were very courageous.

Chrisy: 3:15

I was going to say you were brave, very brave, and courageous, because I just don't think I would have said, you know, I wouldn't have said why, and then therefore he wouldn't have to say because I said so. He might've just given you a look. Well, he probably well the look. Yeah, I think he probably would have just like completely jumped over that and just said do this because I said so, like I didn't even get a chance to say why.

Chrisy: 3:38

So maybe that I might've heard that it wasn't. You know. He didn't give me a chance to ask why right?

DJ Nick: 3:44

I want you to do this because I said right and then it's like well, how do you argue with that?

Kerry: 3:48

yeah right I can't at this point you say why. And he's just like what. Are you stupid? I just told you don't bother me, kid you know, get out of here.

Kerry: 3:57

So number one was stop crying before I give you something to try cry about. I didn't. I heard a variation of this, and this would have been more from my mom. It would have been stop crying, because crying is not going to get you anywhere. Oh, you know what I mean With that one like so. First of all, I could probably count on almost one hand the amount of times I ever saw my mom cry. My mom would. If she was getting emotional or she was upset, she would. You would never see it. Very, very, very few times did she cry for her? It was, and I think that was her defense mechanism growing up. And maybe she was told this, I don't know, but so her comment would be as if I was crying about something instead of consoling. There was no consoling, there was no. Oh honey, it's OK, or life will get better, or whatever. Whatever your boo-boo will heal. No, it was stop crying, because it's not going to get you anywhere, it's not going to help you, it's not going to solve the problem.

Chrisy: 4:52

Well, I find that a very good thing. You just said yeah, because I think that really goes along with what this article's title is. Yeah, it not only if you heard these yes, it has something to say about the parent or adult who said them, as far as what their trauma was Right. And I think with that, yeah, your mother, because you said you never really saw her cry.

Kerry: 5:13

Very few times.

Chrisy: 5:14

She was probably taught very early on to not show that emotion. Yes, because it was. It had a negative it was.

Kerry: 5:22

it was like a useless. It was useless. Don't waste your energy. Don't waste your energy doing it and don't show that type of weakness.

DJ Nick: 5:29

Yeah.

Chrisy: 5:29

So I can see how that could be something that would reflect on a person's dysfunction or trauma growing up. Yeah, so yeah yeah, I mean the one thing my father did used to do, which this wasn't so much as it was a saying, but it came with a physical thing too. Yeah, and when I say that I don't mean anything horrible or disturbing, but generally, out of nowhere, my father would like all of a sudden sort of smack you, but not like like a bop, yeah, yeah, yeah, bop you on the head, right, right, or you know, I can't even describe it.

Chrisy: 6:03

I never took it as aggressive or abusive. Yeah, it was playful, I guess, and I think it was just to keep me on my toes to somebody because it's almost terrifying to think about it. But he would used to do that and then he'd say that's for nothing, wait till you see what you get when you do something. Oh no, I never got the second part Right Generally because, ok, yeah, warning taken, ok, you know. But again, I always took it as playful. But just in that saying, if you just have that saying alone and in a different circumstance, that's a fairly aggressive and sort of scary thought. You know, almost like you know your grandmother burning with a cigarette. Yeah Well, that was for nothing, it was for nothing.

Kerry: 6:58

Wait till you see, I'm just going to set you on fire completely the next time. But see, that message was, I really think, meant for somebody else and it was look what I can do. If I can do this to her, what am I going to do to you? You know what I mean. I really think I was collateral damage on that one. I don't think it was me personally, but I think she was making a point via burning my hand and you were close.

Chrisy: 7:19

I was close and your hand was very available.

Kerry: 7:21

Unfortunately too close to the ashtray to make it look like an accident.

Chrisy: 7:25

Everybody. Not that there's ashtrays anymore, but if there's any lesson out of this, don't put your hands in the ashtrays.

Kerry: 7:30

Well, you know, I ain't sitting by it. No me neither. What else you got on there?

Chrisy: 7:35

Well, this is an awful one, because we talk about sort of some dysfunction and trauma dealing with siblings. Yeah, why can't you be more like your brother? Slash sister.

Kerry: 7:46

Never heard that one Never heard that one. I mean I've heard I've seen in movies where, like people, that line is used or whatever. But I have never that has never been said to me or I've not heard it in my surrounding. I don't even think I've heard another friend's parents say like I've never seen that other than in a movie or heard that.

Chrisy: 8:06

You know it's funny. I was just thinking about this. What? What if somebody said this to you and you're an only child Ancestry.

Kerry: 8:16

And you're like wait a minute.

Chrisy: 8:18

What are you saying? I thought I was your only child. Who needs male and DNA Talk? About some backstory there that somebody has not touched on? Is that some Freudian slip there? Yeah, this is another why. Why I give you everything. Why aren't you happy?

DJ Nick: 8:40

That sounds.

Kerry: 8:40

I don't know that sounds so insulting to me yeah, I mean again, that's a movie I've heard in movies and stuff but I can't say I've ever personally heard that or I either said to me or someone in my vicinity. I can't say that I'm.

Chrisy: 8:55

I feel like that is just really maybe a parent or a older person, really not. They don't understand what love is that and they just they really don't want to dig into what this person's experience.

Kerry: 9:09

There's there's a lack of emotional connection, right, they just physical it's. I will give you this, this and this to.

Chrisy: 9:17

I will buy you things to make you happy I think this has a lot to do with mental health you're not recognizing, yeah, someone's mental health. Because you do with mental health, you're not recognizing someone's mental health, because you know, with mental health, you realize that people, you can have so much. But the matter of fact is that depression is real, yes, and people struggle with that, and it doesn't matter how much they have.

DJ Nick: 9:36

So you've never heard the phrase, but I think, because of the way you were raised, you did get a lot of stuff.

Kerry: 9:43

You did.

DJ Nick: 9:44

So, even though it was never said to you, I don't know, I just felt, it just rang to me that I was.

Kerry: 9:51

I was thinking similar that you know you were the child that was. Your parents gave you a lot, but apparently you didn't express depression or sadness or whatever because they never had to say that to you.

Chrisy: 10:03

No, I was happy as hell exactly, it worked it worked. I was the only one that came out of that situation.

DJ Nick: 10:12

All right you do give me a lot. I just felt like that that could have been a situation where you could have where you could have, but it didn't.

Kerry: 10:18

Yeah, I was thinking this, I was thinking similar because you were given, you know.

DJ Nick: 10:21

I mean, they were very generous.

Kerry: 10:24

Well, you've even said before that they would buy you things. They bought me things.

Chrisy: 10:27

They provided for me. I didn't have a lot of expectations, I don't think as far as what I relied on to give me outside of the material stuff. Right, you know, they weren't completely cut off from me emotionally. My parents weren't afraid of being loving in their way and I, you know I was okay with that level.

Kerry: 10:50

So yeah, the next one kind of a little bit along the same lines. You're lucky, you even have a roof over your head.

Chrisy: 10:56

Now that just sounds like something out of a Dickens novel. I've heard that one.

Kerry: 11:00

My dad said that to me.

Chrisy: 11:01

Really yes.

Kerry: 11:05

Do you remember what the situation was? I remember I was 16, 17 ish and I don't know what we were arguing about, but I it had to do something with my boyfriend at the time, who eventually became my husband. But I don't know if it was that we were hanging out or whatever, but there was some context where he was like if you don't like it, you could leave, because you're. You're lucky that you even have a roof over your head right now.

Chrisy: 11:32

Was he trying to impose a rule on you in regards to your time with your boyfriend?

Kerry: 11:37

Yeah, if I remember it had something to do with that or they didn't like that we were spending so much time together. I mean, really, what did he care? I mean he was working. You know, my dad was working, my mom was at that time working a lot too, so I was kind of on my own, you know. So it was like, why do you, why do you care if we're hanging out?

Chrisy: 11:55

Because what else is? Yeah, you're not here, you're not here.

Kerry: 12:05

You know so, but I do remember him getting so mad at me. At one point he said something like you, you know, if you, you can leave, if you want to leave, and then he made that comment right, yeah, well, but but I wouldn't be surprised if that was something that my grandmother said to him.

Chrisy: 12:17

Oh, I definitely could see where that came from that definitely seems like that would have come out of a a dated era. That's what I'm saying.

Kerry: 12:25

Yeah, like you know, yeah, boy, you're lucky, you have a roof over your head well, yeah, I mean you know I'll go get switched to you it's.

Chrisy: 12:34

It seems dated it is, but I think some of these really all kind of seem dated to somebody. Yeah, you're too sensitive. Never heard that one? I didn't either. I mean no, I was sensitive because I didn't want anybody to give me any baloney Right. So please don't comment on it whether you think my look is not appropriate or anything like that but yeah, I don't remember hearing that one.

Kerry: 12:56

So let's see, that's one, two, three, four, five, six.

Chrisy: 13:01

We got about four more, yeah, one, two, three, four, five, six. We got about four more, yeah, seven, eight, nine. Oh, ten's at the bottom here. I'll take this one, you can take the next one.

Kerry: 13:08

Okay, okay.

Chrisy: 13:09

So you're just like your. And then it says insert parent or relative. That sounds like.

Kerry: 13:16

It sounds right, but here, instead of comparing it to a sibling, it's like the apple does.

DJ Nick: 13:22

Yeah, we just said the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Kerry: 13:25

Now I have heard my mother say that to my dad. Ah, but it was not I. I don't remember hearing it like to me right but I've heard that, oh, you're just like your mother, but like that would be my mom saying that to my dad yeah, you know, I think, what they're trying to say here, because it's about trauma and dysfunction.

Chrisy: 13:46

That's a negative.

Kerry: 13:48

Yeah, said with love. But this could be a, this can be a compliment, but it's usually like a curse or a bad thing You're criticizing.

Chrisy: 13:56

That's what I was going to make. Mention of, that this could easily be. You see in your child something that you admire in your partner. Right, right I guess it could be thought of both ways yeah.

Kerry: 14:07

Well, when I've heard it, it was definitely not. Now I will say I think I've probably said this to my son sometimes, but usually it is in the good way, you know, because my son's an excellent father, excellent, excellent, just amazing me what kind of father he is. And I have said excellent, excellent, just amazing me what kind of father he is. And I have said, oh, you're, you get that from your dad. But that's part, but that's the wording changes. Oh, you get you, you're just like your dad, you get that. You're a good father, like, you know, your dad.

Chrisy: 14:33

Yeah, that sounds like a nicer way yeah. But I think you're right, it is in the same, yeah Thought.

Kerry: 14:38

So I will say I have used that phrase, but in a kind way, but I heard it a lot growing up in a not kind way. Right yeah, dj Nick's got thoughts going on over there. Oh, I thought he would have just chimed in, usually when he starts scribbling on something. All right, so that was your. You're just like OK, so the next one. I'm the parent, you're the child. I don't owe you an explanation. Yeah, that's kind of a little bit like that other one that we had.

Chrisy: 15:10

Some of these seem like they're just a different wording, but they're the same idea.

Kerry: 15:15

Yeah, I'm the parent. Yeah, I don't think I've ever heard this that seems like a complex statement to me.

Chrisy: 15:22

It doesn't flow off the tongue easy. And I don't even think it's impactful.

Kerry: 15:27

No, the only time I've heard I don't know, like I don't. I guess a variation of that would be you'll get, you'll understand when you're older, like when you're talking about something.

DJ Nick: 15:36

I've heard that in movies. I don't think I ever heard that?

Kerry: 15:38

Oh, no, I've definitely heard that because we didn't talk about things in our house and so, like you had a question like oh no, talk about sex. Oh, you'll understand when you're older If somebody makes an off color joke and they you know what is that, what did? I didn't get that. You'll understand when you're older.

Chrisy: 16:06

So that's kind of how I a little bit take that. You have I hear you say this a lot about what your father used to tell you, saying what she says about that when you would make you know you would be a little bit uh I don't know how to say it maybe uh off topic or a little bit on the uh I don't want to say naughty, but sort of you know temp. You're being you know silly, trying to make people laugh, but it was. The humor was a little bit different. Your father had a saying About toilet humor.

Kerry: 16:26

Yes, potty humor. So my dad was, even though my dad wasn't a.

DJ Nick: 16:31

Puritan. He was very Puritanical, let me just say he was very straight-laced. His sense of humor was different than mine. He was much more, you know.

Chrisy: 16:39

He was kind of a quiet gentleman, not swear words.

DJ Nick: 16:42

So he used to get on me about that because sometimes he'd make brisket comment here and there and as a kid I probably shouldn't have been, so I get it. I'm just listening to you guys talk about these things.

Kerry: 16:57

I did hear a lot of these you heard.

DJ Nick: 16:59

Like the one you just said. I'm the parent.

Kerry: 17:01

You're the child.

DJ Nick: 17:04

And then don't ask me why, but just because I said so Because I said so, and I've heard that from both of my parents. But much more from my mom was much more the disciplinarian growing up. So I would have likely heard more things and, reflecting back upon it, they both had very traumatic upbringings.

Chrisy: 17:21

I'm just thinking about that, that I'm sure that upon it they both had very traumatic upbringings yeah, just thinking about that that, I'm sure that, yeah, did your mother have a say? I feel like you used to tell me your mom had one thing that she used to say, but maybe not. You said your mom generally would laugh at your humor oh, my mom, definitely she.

DJ Nick: 17:35

She thought I had a better sense of humor. Yeah, I think she appreciated my sense of humor more so than my father. Definitely she would be, in fact probably more so than my sisters. My mom would be the one laughing the hardest when I say stuff like that yeah, well, because my, my sisters have a little. Their sense of humor is more like my father's, I think.

Kerry: 17:53

In general, oh, I see, yeah they were more.

DJ Nick: 17:56

You know, more of the you know.

Chrisy: 17:58

So straight laced, straight laced yeah, your household definitely needed you in it to lighten the mood. Yeah.

Kerry: 18:06

And you know that kind of thing too about some of these. I think it also relates to like our family didn't talk about things. So usually if some of these things were going to be heated for me, especially in my earlier years if it got to the point where there was going to be a, a comment they're usually you did you went straight from whatever happened to physical and there wasn't a lot of conversation. So you were, you were gonna, you were gonna get hit. Before anything In the later years, that's when my dad would say something he was learning to control his temper or whatever, and so then you would get these and that was always the signal of walk away because you're, you're about to get, you're good, you're gonna get hit. So. So he evolved because he started learning to control, and so then these things would come out.

Kerry: 19:00

But right so what's this number nine? What?

Chrisy: 19:03

is the we have left here oh, that's terrible, it is. You always ruin, everything, you ruin everything.

Kerry: 19:10

I feel like that's a sibling thing. A sibling would say to a sibling.

Chrisy: 19:13

Did your sisters ever say that to you? No, yeah, because there was such an age difference.

Kerry: 19:18

Age difference.

Chrisy: 19:19

So we really weren't doing anything. Just thinking back now I could say that's probably a thought I had and just didn't verbalize it. That would be one that I kind of kept to myself.

Kerry: 19:36

And.

Chrisy: 19:36

I think a lot of people probably think that you know you don't want to say it out loud.

Kerry: 19:40

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chrisy: 19:40

But you have people in your family that you're like man. They're such a downer.

Kerry: 19:44

Yeah.

Chrisy: 19:45

We're trying to have fun and they kind of ruin it every time.

Kerry: 19:48

Right.

Chrisy: 19:50

Are they invited to this get together?

Kerry: 19:52

Cause I don't want to go, but never heard.

Chrisy: 19:54

I really, to give my parents a little bit of credit, I guess they would have never allowed, if they were doing something they really knew, to not involve a child. We definitely had a clear understanding of what was mom and dad activities as far as their social circles and what they did as adults. Yeah, with going out and socializing with friends versus family time, we want to sort of experience this with our child you know, so I guess I feel lucky because the fact that I think that was recognized by them, yeah generally, and not that we did a lot of it but if they were going to involve me in something as far as a vacation together or go see a movie together, I generally had a pretty good experience with it.

Chrisy: 20:38

Right, my parents well. I do remember going to Walt Disney World with them when my father tried to sink the car. And I hate to say this, but I think actually my father's intention was more about he was sort of getting a chance to experience something that he didn't, because it wasn't there when he was a child, right, but I think he had a fondness for Disney. He liked the animation. My father was actually a fairly good drawer.

Kerry: 21:04

He was able to do.

Chrisy: 21:05

Oh yeah, I remember he did the artwork for the clowns for the circus, the circus yeah, he did quite a few of those and he was very talented with that so I think he had an affection for that. So I think going and taking me to disney world was sort of a big deal to him. Yeah, and I think it was something he looked forward to, my mother not so much it just wasn't her thing, yeah just wasn't her thing to have a If anything.

Chrisy: 21:28

I guess the line that you say you always ruin everything, she just wasn't fun, yeah, and she will tell you that she's like I don't we'd ever played games. We didn't do anything. But yeah, I think my father, like I said generally, if he was going to do something with you that involved you, yeah, it was one is kind of all in, yeah, so I appreciate that that's cool yeah this last one, gosh, this one.

Kerry: 21:55

This one strikes a nerve because the phrase is that didn't happen. Stop making things up. That's gaslighting I thought about that when I read that, so I can't say that that phrase was said. However, yeah, gaslighting was definitely there was gaslighting, but maybe not said in that way. But yeah. I saw that and I'm like, oh, I hate gaslighting.

Chrisy: 22:21

I read that too and I thought to myself boy, that that has like abuse on so many levels written all over it. Because you're almost trying to convince that person and the people around, yes, that this is not a true statement. This is not an actual event. Yep, this person is basically lying.

Kerry: 22:41

Yeah, I've. Ok, let me just say this I have not heard that that line from my parents, but there have been people in my family that have said that they've, they've made that comment about things and I'm like, well, I could show you the text message that, nope, that's what was said or that's what was done. But yeah, so that that one really strikes a nerve with me because that's, that's totally dysfunctional yeah it, that's a bad is a bad I mean in general that list I guess, I'm.

Chrisy: 23:09

I guess it speaks a little bit, maybe again for me. I'm coming off bad because I don't have as much dysfunction with this.

Kerry: 23:16

I don't remember hearing really any of these and carrie has had experience with some of these I have, and now did you?

DJ Nick: 23:24

you said there was one, there was some on there there's about three or four, though yeah, and I know that it's know the author's premise talks about their own childhood trauma. When they were children and both my mother and father you know they both had a pretty rough upbringing.

Chrisy: 23:39

Which I think maybe a lot of kids did from that time period.

DJ Nick: 23:44

I think what they, you know, did try to do is to you know, despite maybe using some of those phrases that you really shouldn't use, that the author of this article talks about. I think they really tried to do the opposite of their parents as far as their upbringing. I mean, you know, there was alcoholism in both of my grandparents, on both sides. My parents hardly ever drank.

Kerry: 24:04

Yeah.

DJ Nick: 24:04

Especially my mom.

Kerry: 24:05

Maybe she'd have one drink at a wedding, a holiday or something, or at a wedding, yeah my father.

DJ Nick: 24:11

Maybe in the summer, after he cut the grass, he'd have a beer, sure yeah, but that's a dad thing to do so but other than that, like, neither one of them had a lot of alcohol and I think, because they grew up with, you know, alcoholism in their yep, in their upbringing, so I I think that that parents, you know, they probably shouldn't have used some of those phrases, but I think, you know, I think they did.

Chrisy: 24:31

Well, you can't really fault them. I mean, this is the way they were you know?

DJ Nick: 24:35

I think that's the author's premise. It's not that you're trying to be you know.

Kerry: 24:39

But it's good to talk about these things because we don't want to try to do better.

DJ Nick: 24:50

Well, you know, even as us, as me, as a parent I'll admit I probably borderline said some of those things to my daughter. Well so borderline, not, maybe not exactly that phraseology, right? I I do think you know that sometimes I have mentioned to her talking about she should appreciate all that she has, because I know I didn't. I I grew up fairly humble, I mean, you know. So I didn't, I didn't have a lot of the stuff that, like Chrissy, had growing up. So I know I've said some.

Kerry: 25:12

But I think there's a difference in the tone, because there's one thing to talk to your kids about. You know the things that they have and they should be great for whatever. So there's one thing to have that conversation with your kids but there's another be like using it in a threatening way or you know why? Why aren't you happy when I give you all this instead of you know, hey, you know you're very lucky to have. So there's tone is definitely makes a big difference.

DJ Nick: 25:36

But I don't want to come off as like super nice, nice, because sometimes I might have used that tone, just to being honest.

Kerry: 25:43

So we're human.

DJ Nick: 25:45

Yeah.

Chrisy: 25:49

So I think the one thing that I am guilty of that is a statement on here, but I haven't actually said that, but I probably was feeling it and tried to express that line, but in a different way. About being too sensitive. Yeah, I see things that bother especially my oldest daughter because of the age she's at. And I remember not letting the same type of thing bother me or at least not to the point where I had to express it.

Kerry: 26:14

Where other people would visibly see that it upset you. If it upset you, you wouldn't let other people see that.

Chrisy: 26:20

No, right, I mean, did you think about it later and you're upset about it? Yeah, probably. I mean I'm not able to completely just move on and not care what you think or say. Of course I do, but I do feel bad when I feel that way because I guess I just again I'm not saying I'm above it, but maybe just because of our age and the way our parents were with us, you really didn't spend a lot of time on that kind of hurt, not that you didn't hurt, but it's hard to explain. But there are some times because I will. Usually I won't say it to her, but I'll talk with Nick afterwards and when she expresses, you know, she talks just thank God, and she'll tell us something bothered her or whatever. I try not to really say anything to her about, I just try to listen, but I might just in him and I when we're having our conversation after reflecting on it, I might. The one thing I definitely say is I wish that didn't bother her that much, right.

Kerry: 27:16

Yeah, so that's. But that, I think, is more of the protective mother in you, that's. You know you don't want to see your child hurt, right? You? Know you're not faulting for the feeling, it's just you don't want to see your child hurt, right, I want her to be strong, and not because I do fear for mental health for everybody. Yeah.

Chrisy: 27:35

And especially teens. Yeah, you know there's a lot that they try to process, so I try to. I feel like you know I don't want you thinking too much about this.

Kerry: 27:49

Well, I'm glad whenever you sent this to to me, I actually didn't dive too much into it, and sometimes I do that on purpose, because I want the reaction to be raw here and not to overthink it and this was one of them. So, yeah, your your Facebook scrolling or whatever that led you to this article by Farley Ledgerwood from Global English, editing the 10 phrases of a child you were raised by people. If you were raised by people who never healed from their own trauma, so yeah, that was interesting.

Kerry: 28:15

Yeah that was a good one, Chris.

Chrisy: 28:16

I don't know that we came up with anything, as far as going deep into what our parents trauma was or wasn't. But but it's interesting because I'm sure there are people out there who did hear a lot of these. Interesting Because I'm sure there are people out there who did hear a lot of these and maybe when they are reflecting on the fact that they heard them and they think about the parent or adult who said it, it helps them get a better understanding of what their dysfunction or trauma was.

Kerry: 28:37

Right, and then it kind of helps you understand your parents a little better. So well, we want to hear phrases. Maybe that some of these resonated with you or maybe there was other ones. Shoot us a message on Facebook or Instagram or send us an email. We'd like to hear your feedback. We do have our new website, dysfunctionjunkiespodcastcom. Please check that out. You can see where we're at, what events we're going to be at. We have our Junkies Care where it's our community outreach. We are sponsoring Canine Companions, their Dog Fest, north Central. That's in September. We're trying to raise money for them. You can learn more about that on our website. But yeah, we'd want to hear from you. Definitely, all righty, we'll see you all next week. Bye, everybody, bye.