Dysfunction Junkies
Two high school besties reconnect and commiserate their stories as they navigate the dysfunctions of life from marriage, families, illness, death of childhood families, and creating healthy boundaries. Join them each week as Chrisy and Kerry share their stories and life lessons all with a zest of wit, humor, and love. They may not have seen it all, but they have seen enough!
Dysfunction Junkies
You Don't Have to Cross Every Finish Line
"There is no success without failure." Join us as we explore when to push through obstacles and when to recalculate your path. This week, Kerry opens her heart about postponing her ambitious New Year's resolution to run the Erie Marathon. What started as an exciting goal quickly became complicated by unexpected life challenges, most significantly the loss of her mother and a shoulder injury requiring surgery. Join us for this heartfelt discussion about giving yourself grace, reframing perceived failures as redirections, and finding the courage to say "I'll try again."
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Welcome to the Dysfunction Junkies podcast.
Speaker 2:We may not have seen it all, but we've seen enough. And now?
Speaker 1:here are your hosts, chrissy and Kerry. Hello, junkies, I'm Kerry and I'm Chrissy. Alrighty, we got stuff to dive in today, let's do it. But apparently I was having I don't know what do you call it issues when I was doing my show notes, because we're going to talk about the marathon, but in my show notes I put marathon, yeah we were really excited about this new thing that we're doing here marathons.
Speaker 1:We'll get into that here in a second. But you know, friday we had our flashback Friday episode and we revisited New Year's, our New Year's episode. We were talking about that and then a few episodes later we talked about New Year's resolutions, things like that. I wanted us to address my big New Year's resolution of this year and kind of what the status of that is. Do you remember what my New Year's resolution was? That I made this grand announcement.
Speaker 2:You did yeah. And it was wonderful and it sounded exciting for anybody who wasn't me. And it was kind of awesome in the sense that it had a lot to do with how we sort of became friendly.
Speaker 1:So my resolution was I wanted to run the Erie Marathon, which was on September 7th, but you know it didn't happen.
Speaker 2:Life happens, life happens, and sometimes, when life happens, the things we want don't necessarily pan out.
Speaker 1:So I've really struggled with this. I've really, really struggled with this, which is why I thought it would be good to do an episode on this today. Obviously, if you've been listening to the podcast, you know that kind of had a little bit of a rough year yes, you have. So you know, back when I made this epiphany of an announcement and I've really and honestly, up until about a month ago, I was still going to do it. I was going to drag my ass across that line. I didn't care how painful it was, I didn't care if it would take me eight hours, I was going to do it.
Speaker 1:But then I realized about mid-August, like, carrie, you got to stop. This is not good, but you know, the beginning of the year, we had horrible weather, horrible weather, right, and I don't like to run in the cold, I'm a fair weather runner, so but I was trying, I was trying in the gym and I was trying it and I thought, okay, but I'll get out there when, you know, april May comes. Well then, you know, there was that thing, you know my mom died.
Speaker 1:Yeah, not to make light of it, but it's the only way I can get through this conversation is to kind of make light of it. So mom passed away and that really, you know, caused some problems. And then I was having some shoulder issues and I know everyone's like what does your shoulder have to do with running? Well, you'd be surprised how much your shoulder affects you when you're running.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, your whole body has to do something. It's not like you're leaving anything out, you're running.
Speaker 1:For God's sake, I know, during that past week, the last week with my mom, I had torn some muscles in my shoulder while I was taking care of her and so I thought, okay, just to get time to heal and everything. And then, once she passed, I thought, ok, it's summertime, I'll be able to get back into it. Well then, like we talked about I don't know, was it one or two episodes ago Grief hit you like a freight train. Oh yeah, and it was debilitating. I could, I just couldn't. I couldn't do anything, I couldn't get through, I couldn't. I would come home from work, I'd go to bed, I'd sleep for a couple hours, I'd get up. I mean, I was barely functioning. I was that depressed and that just not in a good space.
Speaker 1:So then August came and here's me like, oh, I got a month, I can do this, I can get ready for a 26.2 mile run, when I've barely run a 5K. And then I went and saw the surgeon about my shoulder and they said, no, you got a lot going on in here. We need to cut some bone, we need to do this, we need to fix this shoulder. And I was still trying to go to the gym and I was trying to work around everything and they're finally like you just need to stop until you have this shoulder surgery. So I'm having that shoulder surgery next week, but in the meantime I finally had to say you know I need to stop. I need to give myself some grace, say it's okay to maybe not meet all your goals and to realize that this is not the time and the place.
Speaker 1:This is the marathon. That wasn't and I'm going to keep at it. I'm going to try again next year, but it's didn't happen this month, so I apologize. It means nothing to reflect on our friendship. No, my gosh, I totally know, but I felt so bad. I felt like I was disappointing you. No, you were not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I did no, no, no, no, oh no, because I will never be able to run a marathon. I'm lucky to walk and not trip or fall.
Speaker 1:This is that Catholic guilt brain coming in.
Speaker 2:I know, try to fight it. I know, so try to fight it. Yeah, life happens and marathons will come and go and you have to take care of you so that you can maybe consider a future one. And there'll be a lot of future ones. I mean, I seem to see this a lot with people on social media yeah, they're everywhere People are doing this. Again, I told you, my astonishment is that people do this and yet and they look so happy when they have are participating, and especially afterwards.
Speaker 1:well, nobody is happy in the photos of in the beginning, when we're, yeah, going across, we're gonna do this, and we're happy in the last point too, when we're going across the finish line. Look at the photos of us dying between mile one and mile 26 in.
Speaker 2:I don't see a lot in the middle You're right you brought up a really good point. I don't remember seeing a whole lot.
Speaker 1:Did I ever talk to you about my famous photo of me running the marathon? That was all over the news all over the country.
Speaker 2:No, what the heck is this? Did I not bring this up whenever we talked about?
Speaker 1:this. Oh yeah, the paparazzi, they were loving me. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:No, not really the one marathon that I ran in Las Vegas. You start down at the south end of the strip and you run the length of the Las Vegas strip and you go out into the city and then you come back to where you started, but you line up in order of what you think. And you go out into the city and then you come back to where you started, but you line up in order of what you think your finishing time is going to be. So the really fast runners that you know can run 26.2 miles in like two hours, which I don't even know how that's possible. Maybe it's not two hours, maybe it's three, I don't know.
Speaker 2:It's stupid, fast, stupid and, from my point of view, yeah, it's stupid Because I can't do it. Those people are at the very front. Okay, how come they get to be in the front if they can do that?
Speaker 1:Because the 10,000 people behind them, what? We'll slow them off? No, but they're going to have to dodge and weave to get through.
Speaker 2:Well, wouldn't that, since they obviously have the ability to do this, wouldn't it make it more challenging for them? They can obviously manage it, that's true.
Speaker 1:You're right, we should rethink how this is starting. It's like boarding a plane. How do you board the plane? Do you board from front to back, back to front, middle to back?
Speaker 2:It's the same thing, I guess White front bag, black bag.
Speaker 1:That's about the marathon I'm involved in.
Speaker 2:Sorry, I'm really trying to connect with you on a level, man. Okay, so where was? I no you were talking about how they put the people up front and people back.
Speaker 1:So, anyways, if you're like a four-hour marathon runner, then you're going to be next, and if you're a four-and-a-half hour you're next, and five-hour and so on and so forth.
Speaker 2:Okay, and most of these marathons have a cutoff of six hours, so you mean, if you can't, if you're in the seven, eight hour range, they tell you get the hell out of here.
Speaker 1:If you don't make checkpoints on the course by getting to certain points, they pull you off course. This sounds like humiliation, one after another. It's going back to that weigh in episode, where they weigh you in front of everyone. Yeah, if you don't make it to the checkpoint, to this place at a certain time, they'll pull you off the course.
Speaker 1:There's no reason for me to never consider doing that we're lining up, you know, at six in the morning on the Las Vegas Strip and I'm finding my spot, where I think I'm going to, you know, be at, and I notice that there's like all this paparazzi and I'm like what the hell? So I'm like looking around, well, here I see who they're really there for. So there was a TV show about a beautiful woman who had six children at one time Brady Bunch no, I don't know if I'm allowed to say the name, but Well give me.
Speaker 2:Can you tell me the?
Speaker 1:actress? No, it's not an actress. It's a reality TV show about this family and they had two children and they got pregnant and it ended up being sex tuplets. Oh, is that John and Kate plus eight? I don't know if I can say that. Can I say it? Okay? So John and Kate? So Kate Gosselin. I loved the show. I was a huge Kate Gosselin fan. She was running the marathon and she was like right next to me. We were practically shoulder to shoulder. So as the marathon starts and we start running, we're doing running, running. I'm like right with her. And so there's all the paparazzi, like riding these little mopeds, and you got the person riding the moped, driving the moped and then sitting butt to butt, facing the other way, is the paparazzi guy with the camera facing backwards so that they could get video and pictures and stuff.
Speaker 2:So for like the first two miles, there's all these you put an end to that shenanigans with this paparazzi after they made diana's car crash. I know and why is kate gosling getting the same type of press as a princess?
Speaker 1:because she was at that point, at that point in time. This is big, yeah, so anyways. So it wasn't until octomon that they come. Yeah, that's exactly right. Yeah, octomon marind it. So the next morning all on the on the tabloids was pictures of kate gosselin running in the las vegas marathon. And if you look, I will bring, I'll find the picture. You will see this picture of Kate Gosselin and right behind, like I'm like right there behind, there's me running. And it just so happened that photo is what went like on all the like the digital news feeds. So like my sister here the next morning was like you're on my news feed, like I opened up my computer to read my Yahoo mail and you're like right there on it. So I always say that was my five minutes.
Speaker 2:Well, that is actually really cool and a great way to be able to document something you did in a moment in time.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:But I didn't watch that show You're so humble.
Speaker 1:They were really filming you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they were looking for the next new thing, it wasn't. Her was old, they needed another new reality tv person. So yeah, definitely, yeah, that was that's pretty cool.
Speaker 1:I don't know how we got off onto that, but in my research of trying to deal with this self-guilt and everything about not doing this marathon on, I spelled it wrong. On the show notes I put marathon, so yeah, we were really, they were really excited so, but you know I like my meme therapy Marathon.
Speaker 2:I spelled it wrong. On the show notes I put marathon. Yeah, we were really excited, they were really excited. But you know, I like my meme therapy.
Speaker 1:You do, I do so, yes, share with us. How did you be able to make some peace? Okay, so how I made peace with myself is there's this one meme, and I actually really like this one. I've used it before. It's on my go-to list. It says courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. So I am trying again next year.
Speaker 1:The other one is there is no success without failure and losses, and that is very true, because if we always wanted everything, you have to have failure in order to have success. So, although I may have failed this year in achieving that marathon goal, I'm going to harness that and I'm going to use it for success for next year you're looking at it wrong by calling it a failure.
Speaker 2:It's not, it's you're redirecting yourself, you're recalculating your data. Yeah, there you go recalculating, recalculating.
Speaker 1:Well, I figure it this way both my parents have passed away, so I I don't have to worry about losing my parents next year and interrupting my training schedule no, I guess not.
Speaker 2:Well, I think I like my idea better recalculate your data.
Speaker 1:And then the last one, I have this one's hard to read, printed in light color. Everyone struggles at times and no one is perfect, and it's important to give yourself the grace to love yourself through it. And that is really what I've been trying to tell myself is to give myself some grace, and giving yourself grace means practicing self-compassion and forgiveness, allowing yourself to accept imperfections or shortcomings and mistakes without harsh self-criticism, and that is really hard for me. So I keep telling myself I just need to give myself some grace.
Speaker 2:You know, I'll give you a little. It's not a meme, but you're really judging yourself a lot and you're looking at this as a failure. Take a little page from my book. What's that? Go back to judging others.
Speaker 1:Right away. Do you see Kate Gosselin there? Yeah, in that photo. And do you see the yellow tank top behind with the dark hair? Because I went through a stage where I dyed my hair brunette in the ponytails. Why did I recognize?
Speaker 2:you and I have no idea. You have no idea because it was all about me.
Speaker 1:Where's kate gosling?
Speaker 2:she's right here.
Speaker 1:She's right here in the black shirt with the pink lettering right in front, right in front of me, she looks like a burn victim.
Speaker 2:That's a horrible picture. Picture.
Speaker 1:No, no, she does not. Don't say that about Kate.
Speaker 2:Kate's awesome when you were going through your dark hair phase. It was really Gargamel created you. Yeah, we're Smurfette.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I will post this picture. That's really who that is in the front. Yeah, Kate.
Speaker 2:Gosselin yeah, did she sue the tabloid for that picture? Oh, chrissy, am I wrong? That doesn't. That's not a good picture of her, from what I can remember.
Speaker 1:I think it's a fabulous picture. Don't you crack on my Kate Gosselin.
Speaker 2:I'm not cracking on her and I understand she's working really hard there. I shouldn't make fun of anybody running a damn marathon, but I just really think that's not a great. I had no idea that was her. I'm trying to see if I can find it. I saw you right away.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to find a better that one's kind of a cloudy one. I'm trying to see if I have a better one. See here she looks great. Finishing is winning, that's what she. That was the shirt she had on that day. Well, that's a way, a.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, this is a nice, that's a nice picture, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So that was, that was my little claim to fame there, the paparazzis Nice, I never accidentally stood next to anything that was happening.
Speaker 2:Probably good, because my thing it would probably be just some sort of disaster happening and they'd be like telling you to just like duck down real quick and get out of the way.
Speaker 1:So I think, when we talked about New Year's resolutions though I don't think you really made a New Year's resolution, did you?
Speaker 2:No, I used to have like plans to you know. Oh, I'm going to be better this year. Like most people, I'm going to eat healthier, exercise more. Never, on my personality, I never like thought I should, you know, be a better person or participate in this charity. I'm making up for it now because I really believe in some of the things we are totally with our junkies care initiative.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I do support a lot of causes, don't get me wrong but I mean, some people really take it to that level. I'm going to volunteer my time to do this for these things that I really believe in. I'm going to make myself a better person and I think some people there may be success stories out there with how they do that, but maybe I feel like, should we wait? I always use that as a real negative and I think it sets up other people who might be a little bit like me to sort of have negative experience with that. You're basically using the time prior to that.
Speaker 2:I'm, this day, moving forward, I'm going to be better, but now, this period of time prior to that, I'm going to be the biggest menace to the world and society and myself. I'm going to, you know, drink maybe a little bit more, have fun, because I'm not going to drink after this date or do some other. You know things that are not great for myself, my body, my spiritual being, you know all of that. So, yeah, I just think pinpointing a date. Yeah, wait to make positive changes in your life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for somebody like me, not everybody, but I'm speaking strictly about how I would use that yeah as a time to be absolutely awful, and then try to make me make it in anywhere between five and seven days, and then then that's it. It would be a failure after that. I mean just to be honest. So yeah, the whole making resolutions or saying I'm going to do this, yeah, I have to do baby steps, yeah, I'm way more successful to say you know what, I'm just going to make these small little changes and hope that they sort of build on each other. There you go.
Speaker 1:Well, there was a good segue because you started mentioning about supporting different organizations and that was kind of one of the things we did start. Two months ago in August, we started our Junkies Care Initiative and I think it's really good. Before we close up, our show today is to remind everyone that this coming Sunday, september 21st, we will be at Canine Companions in New Albany, ohio, for their Dog Fest. It's a great fundraiser opportunity to learn about Canine Companions and to support them and raise money, so we will be there. So if you are anywhere near the Columbus, new Albany area heck, you can drive down from Youngstown in Cleveland, about a two and a half hour drive. You can drive up from Cincinnati. You can drive over from Pittsburgh. It's a doable drive and it's a great city to go hang out in. But if you come on Sunday, september 21st, christy and I will be there.
Speaker 1:Dysfunction Junkies is a sponsor for the event and we can't wait to meet anybody and everybody out there. We can't wait to see the dogs. We can't wait to learn more about Canine Companions. You can learn all about this by going to our website, dysfunctionjunkiespodcastcom and learn all about that. Plus, we're trying to raise some money. We'd like to raise $500 for the event and you can go on our website and make a donation if you'd like, but we hope to see you all there.
Speaker 2:So yes, definitely.
Speaker 1:All righty everybody. Well, if you want to share also about your New Year's resolutions whether you've succeeded or whether you've had to give yourself some grace and say maybe it's not going to happen this year please let us know on Facebook. We'll put some polls up there too. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And we also want to. If you have an experience, and we don't want Carrie to be too focused on this for too long. No dwelling on it the marathon.
Speaker 2:you have a way. More serious thing that needs addressed with your shoulder yes, you need to give yourself a pass for the year you've had. I mean, it's good to let everybody know, hey, this isn't going to happen now, but it's going to happen. It's going to happen, it's going to happen. So no judgment, thank you, and no feeling bad about it. Okay, just need to move forward. Will do.
Speaker 1:All right, everybody, we'll see you next week. Bye, bye-bye.
